angela's blog

25 minutes. Approximately the length of my upcoming marriage ceremony. It's the ceremony that will unite JJ and me forever. And I am looking forward to that 25 minutes more than I've ever looked forward to anything else in my entire life. But ... just that 25 minutes. All the rest of it ... well, all the rest of it is one big 3 ring circus I've been trying to plan for the last 6 months. If I had known that wedding planning grates this heavily upon one's nerves, or that wedding planning really isn't at all about what you want but about making approximately half a dozen other people, who, granted, really want to see you happy, but still all have their own ideas about your wedding, happy or creating a 3-way compromise between some and a 6-way compromise between others, I would have put my foot down and just said no wedding. Not that I've forgotten why it is I'm doing this but I seriously question what good it does to put on this massive show just to marry JJ. JJ's argument is that he wants to celebrate our marriage vows with our friends and family. That's cool. I can do that. But why does it have to involve flowers and receptions and dresses (don't even get me started on the dresses), tuxes and 15 other details that I don't give a hoot about, but somehow need to be done. It all leads to 25 minutes. 25 minutes worth of ceremony that I'm really looking forward to. For these 25 minutes, I have to haul myself out of bed earlier than I'm used to, let someone I don't know poke and prod at first my hair, and then my face for an hour. The day before I will be letting someone I don't know poke and prod at my hands and feet. Then I have to sit around in an uncomfortable dress taking pictures (one of my least favorite activities ever). Following that, is the whole entrance of the wedding party and bride thing where some-odd 200 people are going to staring at me and singing "Here comes the bride" to themselves in their heads. Start the stopwatch ... the 25 minutes have begun. Benji will unite JJ and me in the sight of God ... and 200 other people. And then the 25 minutes will be gone. I'll be married and you'd think I could call it a day. Got up, got made over, got married. Seems like a good day's work to me. Oh no, it's just beginning. After another hour of photographs, by which point I'm sure I will be exhausted and just thoroughly tired of smiling for the small black box, we will head to the reception. *Note that it has been roughly ... 7 hours since I've awakened and I have yet to spend 3 seconds by myself. Nor will I get to probably until sometime that evening when JJ will, presumably, at some point, need to use the restroom.* When we get to the reception we suddenly have the responsibility of trying to make small talk with the aforementioned some-odd 200 people so that no one feels like he or she has been jilted out of his or her 30 seconds with the bride and groom. And apparently we have to dance, or something. And while I think that's a great idea, I don't know that we'll necessarily be able to pull off what we intended to do (dance to "All I Need" by Sara Groves) and will end up doing some version of the high school shuffle. Of course there comes also the cutting of the cake, where more people watch as I nervously try not to spill anything, on myself or my groom. Remember, by now I've had breakfast probably about 7 hours ago, lucky if I had lunch. Depending on how well the dress fits, I may be permanently reshaped. Finally, roughly 11 hours after I woke up that morning I get to go home. 11 hours. 11 hours for 25 minutes of the sacredness of the marriage ceremony. That better be the best 25 minutes of my life. I guess to say that I was never the type to dream about a wedding is sort of silly at this point. I feel like that's quite obvious. My real problem isn't with the wedding. It's more about wanting to do things the way I'm comfortable with them and the way that I really want them to be done. Just like JJ's proposal, which was perfect in every way, I want to be able to remember my wedding day as one of the best moments of my life. But for whatever reason I have to share the absolute most sacred ceremony of our lives (mine and JJ's) with 200 something people. JJ knew that if he proposed in front of more than 0 people that he would have been tempting fate. As far as the wedding goes, it's true that I'm only going to do this once in my life. I will never be able to imagine my life without JJ and I cannot wait to be married to him. But then shouldn't what I envision as my perfect wedding count for something? Shouldn't what my idea of the romantic exchange of vows play into this? It's one of those situations where tradition rules supreme ... and where the girl who wants to make everyone else happy knows that if she doesn't do this the traditional way that everyone else will regret it. She won't ... but then again, she doesn't want 200 people regretting something because of her. 25 minutes. Between me, JJ, God ... and I have to share it with everyone. It's not my 25 minutes anymore, is it?

Posted by Mrs. Cooper on 5.09.2005 at 5/09/2005 02:52:00 PM | Permalink