angela's blog

I've been seeing a lot of commercials about match.com and eharmony.com on TV lately and I know plenty of people who have found their significant others online. Take Michael (formerly known as Fogle!) and Sandra - they met online and they're doing great. My friend Susan met her husband David on match.com. And so on and so forth. We have friends who have tried the websites. JJ has a good friend who has profiles on both and I know people who have profiles on one or the other. The other night I was looking at the profiles that people fill out and I suddenly realized: Do we really ever know what we want to marry? Take my father-in-law. I was reading one of his books and back when he started playing the dating game, he wanted his future wife to be a cheerleader, and know how to deliver puppies. Don't ask, I'm just quoting. JJ likes blonds. If you've ever seen me, you know, I'm not blond. Sean and Paula started dating when they were 17. Sean knew very shortly after that Paula was the girl he'd marry. He had never seriously dated anyone else. So it's not a question of "I'll try this model and if it doesn't work, I'll try the next one." Laura and Jeff Hemmer met in high school. They married in the summer of 2003. They had never dated anyone else. On the other hand, my in laws both had multiple boy/girlfriends before they met. And so did Susan and David. Rachel said to a friend of hers after she met Curtis that she was going to marry him. How she knew that I don't know. Steve and Sabrina have pictures of them playing together in playpens and cribs. They're only a month apart in age and their dads were best friends. They moved away from each other when they were children, and didn't live in the same place again until shortly before they were married. And now they're married and about to become parents. So how does it work exactly? And if you had to fill out a profile about the kind of person you'd want to marry, what would it say? I'll be honest - I didn't think I'd ever marry someone like JJ. I like brown hair and brown eyes, but that describes a pretty good percentage of the population. I always thought I'd marry a musician. Charlie, who is now one of my good friends, and I dated in college. We went to high school together but were never really friends until after I graduated. He's a year younger than me in school so he graduated the year after. Charlie and I went to the same preschool - there are yearbook pictures of us together to prove it. He's a brilliant musician - plays piano, clarinet and can sing. Before we ever dated, we used to talk on the phone for hours. He'd drag a phone into the music practice rooms in his dorm, put the phone on the piano, and play for me. Preludes by Rachmaninoff, sonatas by Beethoven, concertos by Mozart. When we were in high school we worked at the symphony office together. It's strange - it's been so long since I've been to the symphony I don't even remember where it was the last time I went. And it's not that JJ wouldn't go with me ... but he doesn't like classical music, never has, and probably never will. For JJ to go with me to a symphony concert would be a favor, a sacrifice. Something he didn't really want to do but he would just because I wanted to. Some people find this kind of sacrifice romantic. I don't. I think it's a hassle. I also never thought I'd marry someone who is as much of a homebody as JJ is. It's not like I have ever, nor will I ever be, anything of a party girl. But I love to skate (or rollerblade I guess), swim, run, bike, and I can do it for hours at a time. Or at least I used to. I used to put on my skates and just hit the trail with a pair of headphones. JJ's been saying since we started dating that he was going to buy a pair of rollerblades and skate with me. It's been 2 years and he hasn't yet. I always thought I'd marry someone with a sense of humor like mine. Who would pick up on how my brain works so well that we could finish each other's jokes. My sense of humor is a little funky, don't get me wrong, but a few people have picked up on it. Charlie, TL, Elizabeth, Laura, sometimes Laurel, Steve. But what I find funny JJ doesn't, and what he finds funny I don't. I don't like dumb humor - you know the kind - where someone makes fun of something or someone just for the sake of it. JJ loves dumb humor. I love humor of the kind that can be seen in reruns of the show Frasier, which is, I've realized recently, very similar to what Gilmore Girls might be like for boys. But I find that sort of humor hilarious. I think JJ finds it a little boring. And yet everyone from JJ's grandparents, to my in laws, to the Australies (or at least Steve, who told JJ when started dating "Dude, it's about time!"), to my friends from high school all say that we're perfectly suited to each other. How is that possible I wonder? Do we really "just know"? And if we do "just know" then how does a profile on match.com or eharmony.com really help? And what about someone like me? Who wanted to marry someone who loved art and classical music as much as I do, who would understand how significant a painting by Monet was, or how different Van Gogh's paintings really were? Is it just luck? Or even just good luck? How do we explain who we marry? Maybe we don't need to explain it. Maybe, like it is in my case, and in the case of my in laws, in the case of Sean and Paula, in the case of Curtis and Rachel, you just know. And you count on God for the rest.

Posted by Mrs. Cooper on 5.18.2006 at 5/18/2006 10:56:00 AM | Permalink