angela's blog

This past weekend the Coopers (that would be the Perry Coopers and not the Moultrie Coopers) came up to Durham. And the Wongs flew down from Wichita. They had never met and most everyone figured it was high time they did. Jackie and Terry got here around 12:30am on Saturday and my parents' flight was due in around 4 pm on Saturday. Saturday morning the Coopers took JJ and me to breakfast at Rick's Diner (my first Rick's experience and it was very good) and then we stopped by Michele's to see her townhouse (and Dylan, of course) and finally Terry took me and JJ shopping for more presents. Saturday night we went out for Chinese, Sunday we all went to church (except my brother) and then lunch at Maggiano's. At the conclusion of the weekend I came to realize that there are definitely some differences not just between people themselves but between the two families' philosophies on upbringing and just their lifestyles in general. Then I realized that I am the luckiest girl in the world - I get to PICK which parts of the two different sides I become a part of because being an Asian American I get the best of both. Here are my favorites from when East meets South. Some of them are one sided, some of them happen on both sides. They're all equally good. East meets South The tradition of feeding your children well when you see them is a good one. I'm all for it. Especially since even though JJ and I have gotten more adventurous with our food, there's nothing like being taken out to eat or having a multicourse meal made for us. South Rather than give money, southerners love to give presents. I'm not much of a gifter ... I wasn't raised with gifts that came in boxes and had ribbons and bows. Not only that but gift receiving isn't my "love language" so while I love getting and giving gifts it is not the be all end all of my existence. However, marrying into a southern family means I get gifts and to that I say, bring. it. on. East On the other side of the gift-giving is the Chinese tradition of "hong bao" or "red envelope." These envelopes are filled with money and given out on special occasions. The idea is that the money inside will lead to prosperity and that it is one person's gift to another, no strings attached. Hong bao is a great tradition. South The idea of bringing up children in solid, Christian (mostly Baptist in the South, but my soon-to-be-in-laws are Methodist) households is a good one. Even though there are those who grow up and decide that the faith is not for them, there cannot be any real danger to once-a-week worship and a way of life that comes with a reference manual (aka The Bible). I'm a fan of that God guy myself. East Families in Chinese culture are close knit. That means that you might have 3 full generations living in one house. This has both its up and down sides. For one thing, it means that a child will truly appreciate the meaning of family. But on the other side of that, it means that parents are responsible for children long into adulthood. That can mean a couple of things. While wonderfully generous in spirit, it means that it is possible children might feel dependence long after they should be independent and it also means that parents tend to have unquestionable authority. This could end up being both good and bad. South This is probably more of an "American" mindset than a mindset unique to the south but the idea of teaching children independence from a young age is one that we can see. Just walk into your nearest McDonald's where your cashier is 16 or your local grocery store where the bagger is 15. There are, of course, plus and minus sides to this as well. On the one hand the children are being taught independence, self-sufficiency, and if they're lucky will end up finding what they want to do in life (that's what JJ did - he started working for the local paper at 15 and has been a journalist ever since). On the other hand, these jobs can end up being distractions from school and home-life. It, like the Chinese traditional way of life, has both its good and bad points. So there you have it. A crash course in the cultural and life differences of Chinese and American Southerners. In 5 weeks East will meet South ... and it will be good.

Posted by Mrs. Cooper on 6.02.2005 at 6/02/2005 09:55:00 AM | Permalink