angela's blog

Before I get started let me just apologize for the lack of posting lately. You'd think I was ... I dunno, Josh Hall having a posting marathon or something. ;-) But my point is busy as I've been I haven't had much time to get these out.

Does anyone else there have that 1 person that he or she is constantly worried about? That one person that persists in being the thorn in your side, not because he's annoying, but because you constantly wonder "Is he okay? Did he have a good day today? I wish I could help, I wonder what I can do?" Well, I do. His name is Bryant and he's been my younger brother since June 1, 1984. And why do I worry about him? Well, let's see. I don't think he's happy, for one thing. I understand that most of us can't be happy all the time and that some of us are happy most of the time, some more of us are happy less than most of the time, and the rest of us are miserable all the time. As far as I'm concerned, I'm going to guess that mood and general life satisfaction, like many other things in nature, can be characterized with a normal bell curve so there's a range there that characterizes "average". I think JJ is way above average. We're talking 2 standard deviations, maybe 2.5 or 3. Me? I'm somewhere in the average-above average range. Right on the mean or maybe .5-1 standard deviation above. I'm pretty pleased with that. I will say that with my new job I am happy-ER so maybe I should re-evaluate at some point.

At any rate, my original point was that my brother is not happy. How do I know this? Well, he's never said to me, "You know, I'm just not that happy these days," but I am pretty sure my guess is right on. Why? Well, if you read his blog for one thing. And for another, he never has anything positive to say about anything. School? Sucks. Work? When he is working, which isn't that often, sucks. Friends? He says he doesn't have any. Roommates? Suck. Life in general? Definitely sucks. And it worries me because I'm not sure he has any real reason to get up in the morning.

I get up in the morning partly because I want to live another day, partly because when I open my eyes I see my fabulous husband, partly because if I don't my dog is going to lick me awake anyway, partly because I have 18 eager faces who expect to see me every day, but mostly because it's one more day that I can go out there and see what God has waiting for me. I can't wait to get up in the morning (on the days I've had enough sleep) because I never know what's coming next and I like that. There's a certain amount of routine to my life and my day: walk the dog, take a shower, have breakfast, make lunch, dry hair, pack bag, go to school, come home, make dinner, relax for a few minutes, go to bed. But there are a lot of exciting things that happen each day, too. Like ... I never know if my dog is going to do something cute. And ... I never know if I'm going to get an unexpected hugs from one of my kids. Or ... I never know who I'm going to hear from that maybe I haven't heard from in awhile. So I worry about Bryant because I don't think he likes his classes, I don't think he enjoys his time off, and I don't think he particularly has any reason to get up in the morning.

I have all hope and faith that he's going to one day decide that life really is pretty great. I have hope and faith that he's going to make some friends. And I have hope and faith that one day he'll laugh and smile because he's joyful, and not because he knows he's supposed to. When that happens it'll be like the winter has passed, and spring has come. The rain and snow and dark clouds will have given way to fresh grass, sunshine and flowers. And then hopefully Bryant will be able to see past the thorny stems and breathe in the scent of red, red roses.

Posted by Mrs. Cooper on 9.03.2006 at 9/03/2006 05:25:00 AM | Permalink