angela's blog

An interesting realization has hit me in the last week or so: I've never been single. Before everyone is all up in arms and growling at me for pointing that out, please allow me to explain further. And before I explain much further I better explain that I am not intending to step on any toes here. If I do, I apologize. When you're 16, being single doesn't count. I mean sure, everyone wants a date to homecoming and prom and all, but it's not like you feel your clock ticking. I was as into the drama of high school dating as anyone else and let me just say that high school dating is, as a general rule, sort of overrated. I did it. Loved it while I was doing it. Looking back on it, talk about poor decisions. But I'm talking about not just being single, I'm talking about the state of being single. That state in which the single person wonders "WHERE IS HE ALREADY????" A discussion last night at small group spurred this when JJ started a sentence with "Well, Angela never really was single ..." and as I looked around I saw 5 single people looking at me and thought to myself "He is not helping me here ..." but as he kept talking I realized that the last week or so I've been thinking that myself. JJ came along before I ever expected to be married. If anyone had told me that when I graduated from college I would move to North Carolina, join newhope church, meet this guy, and get married all within 2 years I would have laughed. And laughed a LOT. But that's the way it turned out. And it led me to thinking about how God has created singleness and coupleness for all of us. Paul says that it is better to be married than to lust after a woman, but that the best thing is to be single and be of service to God. God gave Abraham and Isaac wives. Heck, even Adam, wandering around in the garden of Eden WITH GOD was lonely and God created Eve so that he could have a companion. But what does all this matter? Well, the point is that there are plenty of people out there who are ready for marriage ... and then there are those of us that are thrust into it before really ever yearning for it and there are, of course, those out there who yearn for the single life. Does it make those of us who have it but never thought about it less appreciative? Does it make those of us who have waited so long for it more appreciative? I don't know. I don't think so. But then again what do I know? It's interesting to take into account the circumstances under which people achieve singlehood or couplehood. Take my husband, for instance. He had singlehood down to a science - and he loved it. There was nothing about singlehood that JJ didn't like - he could eat what he wanted, watch TV whenever he wanted, he had whatever free time he built for himself, he made all his own social decisions, he never had any responsibility to anyone. I know for a fact that before we started dating he'd have piles upon piles of books and he would read until 1 or 2 in the morning, get up at 8 or 9 and head off to work. And really it wasn't until our niece, Genna, was born that JJ really ever thought "Hmmm ... this family life thing might be a good idea." On the other end of the spectrum is JJ's brother, Sean. Sean met his wife, Paula, the summer after they graduated from high school and from about date ... oh ... 3 on he knew he'd found the woman he wanted to marry. And all that stuff about not knowing at 17? Well, Sean and Paula are living proof that that's just crap because they are the perfect mates and they have a beautiful family. They married when they were 22 and dated only each other through college so they truly have never known the state of singleness that some people experience. If you look at the two brothers ... JJ has a character that was likely molded by singleness ... and Sean has one that was likely molded by partnership. Is one greater than the other? Of course not. That might sound like the obvious conclusion but think about how it works .... God knows the deepest desires of our hearts. He knows whether companionship is something we crave to glorify Him ... or whether it's something we crave to glorify and please ourselves. In the case of the Cooper brothers God knew that to best glorify Him that Sean and Paula should be married. And God knew that to best glorify Him, JJ was to remain single for all those years. And it's true. From what I've heard, Sean settled into married life willfully, knowing that his highest priority was to love and cherish his wife as he loved and cherished the church. And from what little I've seen, Sean's done a darned fine job of that. And for JJ, well ... JJ took a little scenic route trip from knowing how to love and cherish the church and if he couldn't love and cherish his Savior, well, who's to say that he could love and cherish another human being. If you think about it, it's not two different states of existence, singleness and coupleness. They're the same. Because in the end, we all serve the same purpose and it's not to be single or not ... it's to reach the other side of something we'll never understand until we get there.

Posted by Mrs. Cooper on 10.05.2005 at 10/05/2005 11:45:00 AM | Permalink